


Samus Says Stroke It

by DraceDomino



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Comedy, F/F, F/M, First Person, Lesbian, Silly, Zero Suit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 23:51:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3268901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraceDomino/pseuds/DraceDomino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zero Suit Samus picks up a Tanooki leaf, it's just one suit too many. The ensuing sexual rampage she goes on is narrated by someone that isn't entirely unbiased in how things unfold.</p><p>This is a comedy piece primarily; Zero Suit Tanooki Suit Samus won my January reader poll, and this is the result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Samus Says Stroke It

Samus Says Stroke It  
-By Drace Domino

I used to hate the fact that I was never asked to join the Smash Brothers tournament. It dug at me deep; after all, I had paid my dues a dozen times over. For years I’d raced in kart tournaments and played silly games with Mario, and not once was I ever asked to fight in the big leagues with everyone else. The worst part was how the others taunted me. I’d be sitting at home in my castle, gazing out the window at beautiful Sarasaland, and my phone would ring.

“Hi I’m Daisy!” I’d answer as I picked up the phone, as was the traditional royal greeting. What I heard over the other end of the line was Peach’s deepest, gruffest voice as she blubbered into the other end.

“Smash ain’t no joke!” Even her best Doc Louis imitation wasn’t any good; it sounded like she had goomba dicks coming out of her mouth. But even though it was a terrible imitation the taunting made me itch in royal anger, and when the most recent slew of tournaments started I told myself I wasn’t even going to watch them.

Eventually; though, I decided to tune in and see. There were new fighters, after all. And new stages! Still no representation for the proud, independent people of Sarasaland, but at that point I was used to me and my kingdom being treated like we were an afterthought. I watched a few tournaments only to see the same old thing time and time again, until a match came when the most amazing thing happened.

Amazing, and a bit scary. As I watched the events of that night and the next few weeks, I was grateful I had never been asked to participate in the Smash Brothers tournaments.

I was grateful I never had to face the wrath of Tanooki Suit Zero Suit Samus.

 

It’s pretty much a given that the Chozo were the most debased, debauched hedonists the universe has ever known. Long before their civilization fell they were known from star to star as the sickest, most twisted beaked freaks you’d ever want to meet. Most ancient writing on Chozo ruins translates to “I’ll tap anything if it’s warm inside,” and the original purpose of their highly advanced morph ball technology was for complicated insertion play.

In short, they were brilliant, sick fucks. And the ruins that they left behind in various planets in the solar systems of the universe should never have been looked at as anything more than the sock drawer of a horny teenager with more erections than common sense. It wasn’t entirely their fault; it was hardwired into their DNA. The natural instinct of the Chozo was to fuck and be fucked, whether it was in their wrinkly bird asses or taking a cumshot over their ugly beaks.

The simple fact is that it was a miracle that Samus Aran was ever able to keep it in her pants. The greatest bounty hunter in the galaxy harbored a secret that even she didn’t know; that her Chozo DNA hid a ticking time bomb of hormones that counted down another bit with each step she took. She was gorgeous and fit; especially in the wrappings of her skintight Zero Suit, but never once did it dawn on her that underneath the icy exterior of a highly capable bounty hunter laid the burning passions of a squawking space rooster in heat. All the men that stopped and stared at her when she was refueling her ship or getting supplies never knew just how close they were to spending a sweaty night with a bombshell. A simple grab of her ass was all it would’ve taken; one little squeeze to trigger an avalanche of intense sexual delights.

Or, as the Wii Fit Trainer realized one fateful night, a simple leaf could have the same effect.

The Tanooki suit leaf is some intense stuff, let me tell you from experience. We used to have a huge problem with it here in Sarasaland, people were selling it in the streets and getting all sorts of racoon high. And believe me, the last thing any princess wants is to have to deal with giant sphinx people with racoon tails and ears shooting monochromatic balls at your castle. Seriously, I was getting pretty sick of that shit.

Tanooki leaves are intense aphrodisiacs. As soon as those ears pop out and the tail squeezes through the back of your dress, you’re just wet and hot and ready for anything. The first and only time I ever tried one, what I woke up to the next day was enough to make me never go back.

Samus didn’t know that when she picked up the Tanooki leaf that fell from the sky one day, and what followed was something the good people of Animal Crossing would never forget. The Wii Fit Trainer had been routing Zero Suit Samus pretty steadily; that weird albino bitch was pretty good at playing keep-away when she wasn’t waggling her ass in yoga pants in front of the crowd. Every time Samus got near her, she sent the blonde packing with a ball of light that she shot out of her crotch. Some sort of meditation technique, everyone said. Intense meditation.

Samus was on the ropes, and it was pretty clear that the next hit was going to send her flying. But when the leaf started to drift to the ground she made a sudden dive for it, and what we saw changed Smash history forever. The bounty hunter screamed as the raccoon ears popped out from the sides of her head, and the variable Zero Suit twisted open a hole in the back to let her newly formed, fluffy tail push out. Even the Wii Fit Trainer was given pause; and I heard her voice echo over the battlefield.

“Let’s stretch those le-what?!” She seemed pretty surprised as Samus turned at her, a new look in her eyes. The blonde’s gaze was low and menacing and she had a predatory look to her. Her tail was swinging side to side and she teased her tongue over her lips, moistening them as she gazed at the Trainer. I already knew that the Tanooki leaves were trouble, but what I had never suspected, and what the idiots that run Smash never imagined, was that the leaf would combine with her Chozo DNA in a volatile fashion.

The result?

“You’re gonna get fucked, you white, stretchy slut! C’mere and give me that ass!”

Samus Aran, the universe’s finest bounty hunter, turned into a sex-crazed, crass, foul-mouthed lunatic.

Zero Suit Samus rushed at the WIi Fit Trainer, who started to bolt in the other direction of the Animal Crossing platform. She didn’t make it far; and while all the adorable little animals watched the electric rope of Samus’ paralyzer snaked out and aimed for the Trainer’s ankles. A thick thread of solid electricity wrapped around her and landed her to the floor, and by the time the paralyzer’s beam disappeared Zero Suit Samus was on top of her. The Wii Fit Trainer was gasping and struggling while Samus cackled; her hands moving to the tight-fitting yoga pants and tearing them off right in front of everyone. A flawless, white ass was exposed to all, and a sudden slap from Samus left a bright red imprint and brought forth a sudden moan from the pale yoga instructor.

The Wii Fit Trainer was at a loss as Samus started to help herself; pinning her down face-first on the floor while her hands worked at the woman’s recently-exposed sex. She moved her hand, fully covered in the material of the Zero Suit, down in between the Trainer’s thighs and found the entrance to her slit.

“Let’s work on your core!” Samus cheered as she slid two fingers inside, and the Trainer gave a moan that wasn’t entirely displeased. The Tanooki suit’s nature was pretty powerful, and I wasn’t surprised to see that it had an almost instant effect on not just Samus, but the woman she had tackled and stripped. Before long the Wii Fit Trainer had leaned up on her hands, grinning wide as she rocked back and forth on Samus’ slender fingers. They even shared a naughty grin, and one of Samus’ ridiculous raccoon ears twitched.

The newly crafted Tanooki Suit Zero Suit Samus pulled her fingers from the Trainer’s slit, and it was clear to see that they were covered in a layer of wet, sticky arousal. As she moved her fingers back and forth there was a faint webbing of nectar connecting them, and she couldn’t resist moving her mouth forward to take both digits into her mouth. Samus’ eyes closed as she let her tongue settle underneath her fingers, sucking them clean and clearly savoring the flavor of the pale Trainer. Her ear twitched again and her tail swung contently back and forth while she tasted it, and she didn’t draw her attention away until the Trainer’s hand moved up to brush her shoulder.

“Use your lower body to support yourself.” She advised in a clinical voice, and slowly started to move. While Samus let her knees sink in against the ground the Wii Fit Trainer rose up; moving her hands strip away her blue tank top and toss it to the side. More for the people of Animal Crossing to see. Her breasts were firm and average; and as one might expect her nipples were the same stark white color as the rest of her, making it difficult to see them unless someone was looking from the side. As soon as she stripped down the Trainer moved to the kneeling Samus, standing before her and lowering a hand into the blonde’s hair.

Samus naturally let her head roll forward and move in between the Trainer’s legs; her mouth opening as she started to lick. The Trainer’s voice cried out in joy from the very first second, and Zero Suit Samus rested on her knees as she started to diligently service the other woman. Her raccoon tail swung contently from side to side as she worked, her lips pursing against the stark white hood and drawing in the flavor of the athletic other woman.

“Remember to control your breathing.” The Trainer’s voice came out in an even, steady tone, and her fingers threaded into Zero Suit Samus’ hair. She let her digits wrap through her locks and moved to start guiding her, and eventually her other hand lowered to stroke one of the furry ears that started it all. Samus just let loose with a content noise as she worked, slurping and licking while she let her face be buried against the white folds offered to her.

They stayed like that for a few moments longer, and every now and again the Wii Fit Trainer offered her advice. Even as she spread her legs and Samus slipped two fingers inside again, the woman was filled with useful nuggets of information to help the bounty hunter at her task.

“Let’s step up the pace.” She offered, and Samus obeyed by twisting her wrist, driving her fingers forward a little quicker. Each press drove her digits deeper inside the Wii Fit Trainer, and all the while her lips remained locked around the woman’s white hood. The sucking and thrusting of her fingers had the Trainer breathing heavily before long, and the athletic woman was soon leaning over, pressing her hands hard against the top of Samus’ head while she started to rock in orgasm.

“Salute the sun! Salute the sun!” She screamed as she peaked, much to the confusion of the good people of Animal Crossing. While she came her body trembled and she offered a few small torrents of squirt; all of them striking against Samus’ Zero Suit, making it glisten as the light caught the moisture. When she finished her black hair had fallen slightly out of place, and she gazed down at Samus who was still licking contently, easing her down from her orgasm. With one last grunt the Trainer tightened her fist in Samus’ hair, pulling her face deeper into her own pale, bald sex. “Let’s try some deep breathing.”

Samus drew in a deep scent at the Trainer’s command, and shuddered openly as the smell of the trainer’s wet, hot pussy filled her. Her tail spasmed and her ears bobbed back and forth, arousal rioting through her with an almost uncontrollable glee.

It only got worse from there. As soon as Samus pulled her face away from the Wii Fit Trainer’s sex, the bounty hunter drug the other woman to the floor, laying her flat on her back and pouncing on her. They began to kiss feverishly in front of everyone, and Samus’ blue-clad body wriggled and writhed on top of the Trainer’s. Samus Zero Suit had the ability to respond to her mental commands and the talent to shift around like a liquid; and while they kissed the blue surface of her suit started to shimmer, a wide open circle appearing around her nethers so as to expose her sex. With her own pussy exposed it was only a matter of time before she lifted one of the Trainer’s legs, positioned herself to press them together, and make Smash history.

For the next few minutes the two women frantically thrusted against each other, each of them showing their delight in their own way. Samus’ voice called out in foul mouth delight, screaming so loud and so dirty that the Animal Crossing people covered their adorable ears and ran to their adorable homes. The Trainer, meanwhile, was obsessed with offering her weird advice in ways she likely deemed were sexy, but never really landed.

“Good posture starts with a strong base!”

“Feel the burn in your thighs and abs.”

“That was a great workout!” Her final line of the session was after they had crushed against each other until a mutual climax, leaving their former battlefield covered in sweat and squirt. When Samus pulled herself off of the Trainer her Zero Suit moved to cover her entirely again, and she drew herself down to a crouching position. The blonde grinned wide as she turned her back to the Trainer, and her large, fluffy raccoon tail was offered to the other woman.

“Stroke it.” Samus hissed through her teeth; a twisted look on her pretty features. “Stroke it, slut.”

The Trainer blinked in confusion but rose her hand up, letting her grip pet down the length of Samus’ new tail from the base to the tip. The woman just shuddered in arousal, and murmured contently as she nibbled her bottom lip.

“Yeah, that’s a good white bitch.”

 

Things went on like that for the next few weeks. The Tanooki leaf had taken root in Samus, unable or unwilling to wear off because of her Chozo DNA. And each match she fought tended to end the same way. In her second bout after her run-in with the Trainer she ended up flooring Little Mac, and in an exhibitionist flair she claimed him on the floor of the boxing ring, right under the scrutinizing gaze of all of his fans. After he came inside of her; several times, Samus let her Zero Suit cover her back up before turning her rear to him, offering her tail once more.

“Stroke it.” She purred, an ear twitching. “Stroke it, motherfucker.”

Little Mac was just as confused as the Wii Fit Trainer as he rose his boxing glove and stroked the woman’s tail with one swift, solid motion.

“Yeah, that’s a good boxing bitch.”

After Little Mac, Samus’ rampage continued. She scissored Lucina to submission in Skyloft, and made Ganondorf go down on her in the Green Hill Zone. She didn’t care how strong or how big her target was; when Donkey Kong resisted her advances she grabbed him by the tie, and shouted squarely in his face.

“You start putting out or I’m going to tie you to a girder and let your two-bit grandpa through barrels at your balls!”

Since all of those things were possible in 75m, Donkey Kong wisely decided to put out.

Each time she fucked another member of the tournament she turned and exposed her tail, and demanded that they stroke it. Her little ritual of conquest, and a way to appease the Tanooki suit madness rolling within her.

“Stroke it, whore. Use your Triforce of Wisdom hand.”  
“Stroke it. Falcon stroke it.”  
“Can’t let you not stroke that, Star Fox.”

The woman was completely out of control. She started showing up to fights wearing shutter shades and referring to herself as TeeSuZeeSu. When she wasn’t forcing herself on the competition she was going for the Assist Trophies; trying to finger Ashley or talk Andross into sucking on her entire lower half with his giant face. The people that agreed to do what she wanted were given a few minutes of pleasure followed by an orgasm and a demand to stroke her tail, and the people that refused got-to quote TeeSuZeeSu-the shit slapped out of them.

It was a pretty big problem, and it was starting to get scary.

Until the day it became fucking hilarious for me.

There isn’t much I hate more than bitch upstarts. Stupid seven foot tall cunts that wander in and steal your thunder, and get opportunities that you deserve. So when Tanooki Suit Zero Suit Samus had a brawl scheduled with Rosalina, you can bet your bloopers that I was ready to watch. I wasn’t disappointed.

Samus and Rosalina clashed in a quick battle that was over before Rosalina could twirl her galaxy kick; the bounty hunter wrapped her paralyzer around the waist of that giant bitch and slammed her so hard into the ground her little star pet went spinning. And true to form Samus was on her in an instant, caring nothing about the fact that Rosalina was a solid two feet taller than her. The crazed hunter started to rip at the pretty pretty princess’ dress; tearing it asunder and exposing her for the naked whore everyone knows that she is.

Rosalina had a full body; SOME MIGHT CALL HER FAT, but other, stupider people might call her sexy. She had large breasts and a big, round rear, and it was all laid out for everyone to see as Samus stripped away her dress. The entire time Rosalina was left stunned that someone could do such a thing; a blush lining her face as she gave a stupefied expression to the crowd. As her breasts flopped out and her rear bounced with a slap from Samus, some heroic, brave woman shouted a suggestion for Samus to follow.

“Put stuff in her ass!” The royal voice called out, ringing with feminine beauty and grace. “Put it in her ass hard and mean!”

It wasn’t clear who shouted such brilliant ideas, but she was probably the ruler of some remarkable land that had been snubbed by Rosalina’s sudden and unexplainable rise to power. Whatever glorious princess called the suggestion, Samus seemed to like it, and a wicked smile grew on her face.

The Zero Suit started to shift around some more, and while everyone watched from the sidelines the smooth blue material started to form around her lap and push forward. Inch by inch it congealed and met, growing something nice and long and thick. In a matter of seconds the Zero Suit grew into a nice long cock; one that was thick and strong enough to take the ass of Rosalina.

“Not big enough! Few more inches!” That same wonderful royal voice called from the sidelines, and Samus listened to her glorious advance. Rosalina’s eyes went wide as Samus drew near, though she had been beaten badly enough to not be able to stop the fucking that came for her. Samus’ bright blue cock lined squarely up with the pucker of her ass, and as the hunter grabbed Rosalina’s hips she suddenly thrust forward, forcing the woman to cry out in shock.

I came. Seriously. Seeing that upstart twat get her comeuppance? That was some amazing stuff. From the very first scream I knew I was going to enjoy it, and my eyes glazed over from joy as I watched Samus proceed to fuck Rosalina down into the dirt. Literally. Her royal highness was covered with the dirt and mud of Onett as Samus fucked her, both women grunting as Samus’ forged cock pressed deep inside the core of Rosalina’s ass. While she fucked Samus’ tail and ears twitched and bounced in delight, spasming with every throb of the artificial cock she had made.

She was rough and brutal, and Rosalina’s crown bounced right off as Samus continued to fuck her ass. The beach blonde upstart was clearly caught in an unusual spot; aroused by the effects of the Tanooki leaf surrounding Samus, but also humiliated and ashamed as she was fucked deep in her tightest hole in front of everyone. Her face covered in sweat, her hair a mess, her entire body covered in dirt.

I cried. My God, it was beautiful.

Samus was much shorter than Rosalina, but it didn’t stop her from giving it to the bitch nice and hard. The girl wore her shutter shades throughout the entire thing, grinning and biting her bottom lip as she rocked back and forth to Rosalina’s ass. And when she finished, she roared in wild arousal and shoved herself deep in Rosalina, smearing the woman’s pretty face squarely in a pile of Onett mud.

And then the moment came that I had been waiting for; the final domination of Rosalina. Samus finished with her big, round ass and her suit went back to normal as she walked her way over to the other woman’s face. She squatted and turned, and the big, fluffy raccoon tail was offered out to the woman I hated so very much. It twitched; bumping her nose and smearing a bit of dirt against her face.

“Stroke it, cunt.” Samus whispered, and licked her lips. “Stroke it, space cunt.”

Rosalina sniffled as she brought up a trembling hand, put her fingers to the Tanooki tail, and paid the fiddler.

I roared with laughter. Samus was about to leave when that same miraculous voice came from the audience, giving her one last piece of good advice.

“She’s from space, too! Take her on board your ship!” That royal, sexy voice that totally wasn’t mine called out. “Make her your fuckdoll!”

TeeSuZeeSu grinned, and moved a hand up to flip her shutter shades. She bit her bottom lip and nodded, looking fly and ready to load up seven and a half feet of blonde, job-stealing bitch.

A few minutes later and Samus’ ship was flying up into the sky, taking the naked Rosalina with it. As I moved onto the battlefield briefly after, looking around at the scuff marks, I spotted the glimpse of Rosie’s crown laying in the dirt. A grin spread on my lips, and I reared back with a flash in my eyes.

It’s been a few years since Strikers, but I kicked that motherfucker well into the next gen.

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> [Here I am on tumblr!](http://dracedomino.tumblr.com) Check me out if you'd like to see more of my writing.


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